Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers
by Miss Lestrade
Summary: A collection of short stories featuring SG1 and the Atlantis teams...ON VACATION! Get ready for mayhem! Please R&R and make me happy. You won't regret it! We also offer a buffet service...
1. On Our Merry Way

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
On our merry way_

I do not own Stargate.

No spoilers

----------------------------------------------

"Sheppard's poking me!"

"Colonel, will ye stop poking Rodney?"

"It's not me, it's Ronon!"

"Liar."

"All of ye, shut up!"

"Carson! You can't tell them to shut up!"

"Why not?"

"Only I can do that! All of you, shut up!"

"Oh, that's not fair."

"McKay, she said shut up!"

"Since when do you ever listen to her?"

"Good point."

"Excuse me!"

"Please, my friends, stop this arguing."

"Yes, stop it now!"

"Let's sing!"

"NO!"

"_I've been working on the railroad_…"

"Colonel! Don't make me turn this puddle jumper around!"

"Oh come on, doc."

"Ye know, why am I even driving this bloody thing? That's your job!"

"We'd all be dead if he were driving…"

"He wishes you to practice, I believe."

"This is stupid. I wanna go back."

"Thank you, Ronon! So do I!"

"WE ALL LIVE ON A YELLOW SUBMARINE!"

"SHEPPARD!"

"You're so boring, McKay!"

"Excuse me?"

"Boys! Break it up!"

_…5 minutes later…_

"QUIT POKING ME!"


	2. SGA at Buffet

SGA at Buffet

I do not own stargate.

John Sheppard rolled his eyes as Rodney looked all around at different items on the buffet table. "Ew…no, I don't like those…Oh God! Lemon!" the scientist barked, reeling back in disgust. Sheppard looked innocently around at the many glances and stares McKay had attracted.

"McKay!"

"Co-nel?" asked McKay, currently stuffing his face with bacon.

"Shut up." provided Ronon, scooping some potatoes onto his plate. "You're making us look bad."

McKay scoffed, nearly spitting out chunks of chewed up bacon on everyone. "Oh, jeez, Rodney!" moaned Sheppard, finally reaching the table. The family next to them consisted of a young girl, maybe four or five, and her parents.

"Hi!" she squeaked, smiling happily. Rodney coughed loudly.

"How come he gets all the women but I get stuck with the little kids?" Rodney wondered aloud, catching Teyla's disapproving glare.

"I'm not a little kid!" the girl corrected.

"Like hell you're not…"

"McKay!" scolded Elizabeth, putting her fork down forcefully. The child's mother looked deeply offended. She gave McKay an angry glare that only a mother could muster.

Sheppard stepped on the scientist's foot under the table. Hard. "Ow!" hissed McKay, kicking out with one of his feet. He hit Ronon.

"Whose foot…"

"Gentlemen." Elizabeth said calmly. Everyone fell silent and turned toward her. Sheppard blinked innocently. "You're acting like a bunch of babies!"

"Babies!" added the young girl.

"You little…!"

"Shut up, ye bloody git!" hissed Carson, elbowing Rodney in the ribs.

"Don't poke me!"

"Don't be a stupid baby!"

"Stupid baby!" giggled the child. Rodney sputtered and opened and closed his mouth, getting red in the face. Finally, finding nothing he could possibly say, he put down his fork, waggled his finger forcefully inside of Carson's glass of cranberry juice, and stalked off.

"Hey!" cried the doctor indignantly, looking disgustedly into his glass.

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"So!" said Sheppard happily, breaking the oppressive atmosphere. "Who's up for the beach?"

"ME!" squealed the girl.


	3. For A Half Hour?

Of Jellyfish and Space Travellers

_For A Half Hour?_

I don't own Stargate. Nopety-nope.

Daniel banged relentlessly on the door to the bathroom. He'd been stuck outside of it for well over a half hour now, and he was really starting to get…cranky. "Open the damn door, Jack."

All that answered him was the continuing rush of water.

"Jaaaaack!" Daniel tried again, tapping his foot impatiently. This was crazy. He really needed to go. Muttering the first curse that came to mind (An Italian one), he banged on the door again. Finally, as if on cue, Jack slowly opened the door, staring innocently into Daniel's flashing blue irises.

"I was clipping my toenails."

"For a half hour?"

"Before that I had to brush my teeth."

"For a half hour?"

"I had to take a shower."

"FOR A HALF HOUR?"

"Daniel Jackson, is everything well?" asked Teal'c, suddenly making an appearance. He raised his eyebrows slightly at the two men before him, looking more and more like bickering siblings.

"Jack," snapped Daniel, poking a finger in his direction, "Took a half hour in the bathroom."

"That seems unreasonable."

"That's what I said."

"No, no you pretty much only said 'For a half hour?'." Added Jack lazily, wagging a finger. Daniel twitched, and even O'Neill realized that he was dealing with one angry archaeologist.

Clearing his throat, Jack stepped aside.

"It's…um…open now."


	4. Trouble in Paradise

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Trouble in Paradise_

I don't own SGA. I think we all know this by now.

------------

Rodney constantly whimpered and protested in pain, and it was beginning to get on Sheppard's nerves. How painful could putting aloe on the scientists back be? "Hey, McKay, could you shut up please?"

"Ow! That hurts!"

"That's because I'm getting a little pissed off by your complaining."

"You're hurting me!"

"Oh, yes, with the evil aloe vera!" With that, Sheppard dumped a glob on his friend's back, watching smugly as Rodney tensed.

"Ack, it's cold!"

"Aw….poor baby. Do. It. Yourself. Next time you get sunburned to the point of being a passable lobster, don't come to me unless you raise your threshold for pain about a hundred notches!" Rodney actually gaped, craning his neck around to stare, shocked at the colonel. He had a hurt look in his blue eyes.

Sheppard sighed, feeling really stupid. "Sorry." He muttered.

"No. That's okay. I'll just go do it myself…considering I don't twist my arm irreversibly in the process!" snapped McKay, wincing as he pushed past Sheppard.

-----------------------------

"I believe this is how it's done, love." cooed Beckett, fixing Teyla's hands on the pool stick. "Ye have to really eye the ball. No, don't do that, just take aim from farther away or you'll hit it again."

"I believe I can figure it out on my own, Carson." said Teyla, a bit forcefully. For the past half hour, Carson had been rambling on and on about the correct was to handle a pool stick. The game they had been trying to complete was basically forgotten.

"Don't ye worry, lass, you'll get it!"

"I believe I have."

"No, no…hang on…" said the doctor, bustling over to her again.

"Doctor!" protested Teyla, beginning to get annoyed. Beckett stopped, looking slightly affronted.

"Just tryin' to help." he sighed. Telya pushed her hair back, feeling guilty. Carson was just trying to help her.

-----------------

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Ronon, how could you think that threatening to skin the bellboy alive if he came into your room again was a good idea?"

"I wouldn't have done it."

"He certainly didn't think so!" protested Weir. Although she found the entire situation relatively amusing, she could not let him know that. "Ronon, behave yourself or I'll have no choice but to send you back to Atlantis."

Grumbling, the big man stalked out of the room, giving a hard stare to an amused Sheppard as he passed.

"Ugh…" moaned Elizabeth, sitting on the couch. "This is annoying."

"Yeah." agreed Sheppard, grinning sheepishly. "I just yelled at McKay for no reason. He was just being himself when I was putting on that lotion."

"Lotion?"

"Aloe."

"I see." replied Weir, a small smile tugging at her lips. "And by 'himself' you mean…"

"A whiny, arrogant hypochondriac."

"Ah. Well, maybe tomorrow will be better."


	5. What Did He Say?

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_What Did He Say?  
_

I don't own SGA or SG-1. I think we all know this by now.

-------------

Daniel lay on the warm surface near the pool, his head aching and his back feeling as if he'd just landed on it. Which he had. Mitchell stood over him, giving the archaeologist an eye-brow raise that would make Teal'c jealous.

"You OK, Jackson?" the colonel asked, holding out a hand. "I really didn't mean to knock you over."

"M'kayjusgimmetenminutsanillbefine…"

"What?"

"Jusgimmetenminutes andill be fine!"

"Just Guinea ten tetanus and I'll be fined?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

Daniel blinked, looking up into Mitchell's face. He squinted, shaking his head. "I'venoideawatyerrtalkinbout."

"I've Nadia water dog and bout?"

Daniel blinked again. "What're you saying?" he slurred slightly, wondering how Mitchell could possibly get any more annoying. "Whatever." said the archaeologist, staring up into the sky again.

"That I heard." snapped Mitchell, reaching down and pulling Daniel up. The man rubbed his head, looking a bit dazed. "You sure you're okay, Jackson?" At that moment, Sam walked up.

"Daniel!" she said, alarmed. "What happened?"

"Ijusfellnobigdeal." Daniel moaned.

"Did you say, 'Adjust foul no picked eel'?" questioned Samantha, frowning slightly.

Daniel stared at his two teammates for a few moments. "Yes." He said, voice dripping with annoyance. "Yes of course. If that makes any sense whatsoever!" Grumbling something, Daniel decided to make his way to the buffet.

Mitchell blinked and turned to Sam. "What did he say?"

---------------

I felt the sudden need to poke fun at Cam's intelligence. Sorry to all you Mitchell fans out there. Don't worry, our favorite Atlantis peeps are coming out next chapter!


	6. Of Physicists and Flyboys

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Of Physicists and Flyboys_

I don't own SGA or SG-1. I think we all know this by now.

---------------------

Rodney spread out over the waves, sighing in relaxation. Sheppard was nearby, body surfing. "Oh shit!" he suddenly cried. Rodney barely had time to react before he was bowled over by a scrawny, soaking wet colonel. A wave washed over both, dunking Rodney under and pulling the little raft from under him. When the men finally managed to get back above the water, Sheppard was laughing his spiky head off and Rodney was seething.

"Why can't you go body surf _somewhere else_?" he screeched.

Sheppard winced, as McKay was right next to his ear. "I like it here." he protested, watching the scientist's livid face. That's when McKay lost it. Letting out an inhuman scream, he lunged at Sheppard.

Shocked, startled, and a bit frightened, John didn't have time to react. Rodney tackled him, forcing him under the water. Rodney's hand found Sheppard's hair and used it to keep a firm grip. It was war.

Swinging up a leg, the colonel whacked Rodney in the shin with it. "OW!" the physicist cried, loosening his grip. Giggling like a young boy, Sheppard tackled Rodney back until the two were rolling around, splashing, and disturbing pretty much everyone at the beach. Carson pulled off his sunglasses, sighing. He turned toward Elizabeth, who rubbed her forehead.

"Why must they be so immature?"

"Aye. Ye can say that again."

Grabbing a fistful of wet, muddy sand, Rodney rubbed it in Sheppard's hair. "Ah, Rodney!" groaned Sheppard, swatting at his attacker's hands. Thinking quickly, splashed violently in McKay's direction.

"Ow, the salt! It burns!" said Rodney, rubbing his eyes. Sheppard took the opportunity to run for it. Shaking the sand out of his hair, he ran and swam as fast he could. Panting, he finally reached the spot where Carson was sitting, a slightly amused smile on the Scot's face.

Rodney composed himself and realized Sheppard had run. "Dammit!" he hissed. He clutched at the raft and slowly made his way back to the shore.

------

Heh. For some reason, I don't really like the way this chapter turned out. Shep and Rodney were kind of out of character.


	7. High School Monotony

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_High School Monotony_

I don't own SGA, SG-1, or High School Musical. Hee hee. This chapter's gonna be fun.

-----------------

Ronon and Teyla sat (with highly amused smiles) to the side while Beckett, McKay, and Sheppard did all of the arguing. "We're watching Monty Python!"

"Jurassic Park!"

"Batman!"

"Monty Python!"

"Jurassic Park!"

"Batman!"

"Monty…"

"Please! Friends, let's not argue." said Teyla. John turned sharply toward her, glaring. So did Rodney.

"Yeah. And what do you know about good movies?"

"Oh shut up, McKay." muttered Ronon.

"You too!"

"How about we watch another movie?"

"Yes, like Monty Python!"

"No. I meant like a completely different one."

"Like…?"

"High School Musical." suggested Sheppard jokingly, shrugging. He'd just come across the Disney channel.

McKay stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing. The physicist was nearly doubled over, tears of mirth streaming down his face."

"Uh…" whispered Carson, wondering what they were talking about.

"I can just see…h-him b-b-being Zac Efron!" Rodney choked out, clutching his sides. Although he'd been joking, Sheppard could see that he was never going to live this down. Ronon frowned, not liking McKay's attitude.

"I think we should watch High School Musical." the big man challenged.

McKay's grin slowly fell. "You're kidding right?"

Carson snickered, sharing a glance with Teyla.

"You got a problem with it?" said Ronon dangerously, speaking directly to McKay.

"Um…um…no?"

"Well put it on."

Sheppard grinned too. This was going to be interesting.

_1 hour later…_

"Oh god. My ears are bleeding." groaned McKay. He turned toward Sheppard as Teyla and Ronon left for the night. Carson hung back.

"Aye. It was a bit…"

"Pointless?" supplied Sheppard, yawning.

Carson nodded. "It wasn't all bad though."

"Yes it was." muttered McKay and Sheppard in unison. They both eyed each other suspiciously. Carson grinned. _Definitely brothers separated at birth, _he thought. "Night, lads!"

-----------------

Just to let everyone know, I really hate high school musical, but the thought of the Atlantis cast watching it just had to be written. Oh. Something I want to make clear. People are sharing rooms. It's Elizabeth and Teyla, Ronon and Carson (Haha), and Rodney's with Shep. Be aware, however, there is no slash or romance in this story. I don't like it. makes face


	8. No Such Thing as Scary

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_No Such Thing as Scary_

I don't own SGA, SG-1.

WARNING! This chap's a tag to **Doppelganger**, so there might be spoilers.

-----------------

"Hmphgn…huh?" muttered Sheppard, blinking blearily. It was still dark out. Rubbing his eyes, he sat up farther in the bed and searched blankly for the thing that had awakened him. He slowly made out someone sitting at the end of his bed.

"Hee hee!"

"McKay?"

"I've been waiting for you, colonel!" squawked the scientist, turning around. McKay twitched, eyes rolling around in their sockets.

"Um…what?"

"I happen to know what your worst fear is!" Rodney made a strange gurgling sound that resembled manic laughter.

"You mean failing my friends who are like my family and losing everything because of it including my own mind?"

"What?" squeaked McKay, looking frustrated. "No, not that one!"

"Oh." Sheppard nodded sagely.

"I'm talking about the fear that haunts your worst nightmares!"

"Like this one?"

"Huh?"

"Like. This. One. With you. Are you saying you're my worst fear?"

McKay blinked. "Noooo!" he squawked, poking a finger into his own eye. "I'm talking about the fear that has plagued you since you were a boy!"

"Oh! You mean being captured and sold as a slave by clowns!"

McKay's eye gave one last twitch, and he disappeared. Sheppard stared, shrugged, and went back to sleep.

That morning, McKay (the real McKay) walked over to Sheppard's bed. "Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!" he called. Getting no response, he tugged at John's unruly hair.

"Ow! Get OFF." moaned Sheppard, smacking the scientists hands away.

"Come on, Colonel, or I'll tell every woman on Atlantis what you're afraid of! You know, your worst fear…"

"Now, is that the clowns or the failing everyone scenario?" muttered Sheppard, still half asleep. McKay blinked and shook his head.

"You are so screwed up, Sheppard."

"Tell me about it."


	9. SGA at Buffet 2

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers

_SGA at Buffet 2_

I do not own stargate.

Elizabeth Weir watched with much distaste as Rodney, John, Carson, and Ronon all stuffed their faces. Teyla also wore a disgusted look. They exchanged a glance and raised their eyebrows, but the men didn't pay any attention.

"Wow." said Elizabeth, looking toward the entrance. The little girl they had met on their first buffet outing was back!

"Stupid baby!" she cried, giggling. Rodney nearly choked on his potatoes.

"Ohhh crap."

"It's your friend, Rodney!" chirped Carson, waving to her.

"Hi!" she squealed. Soon, however, her mother spotted McKay and hurried her away. Sheppard snickered. Watching as Rodney continued to shovel food into his mouth, looking distressed, Elizabeth remembered a joke she had heard once. It went:

_Q: What's the difference between a cruise ship passenger and a Great White shark?_

_A: One is a highly evolved eating machine that devours anything in its path. The other's a fish._

That joke had always made her crack up. She remembered the first time she'd heard it. "Hey! John and Rodney." The two men looked over, Rodney chewing and Sheppard just swallowing.

"I have a joke for you."

"Ooh, let's hear it!" said Sheppard, thoroughly interested. Elizabeth grinned.

"What's the difference between Rodney McKay and a Great White Shark?"


	10. Landmark TENTH chapter! Celebrate!

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_A Little Too Much To Drink_

I don't own SGA, SG-1.

Anyone who's seen _Across the Universe_,_ Smallville_, heard_Everything You Want_, and heard Nickelback's _Rockstar_ will find this chap extra funny.

-----------------

"_He's everything you want_…" Sheppard sang, waggling the stuffed bunny in front of Rodney.

"Shut up."

"_He's everything you need…he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be…he says all the right things at exactly the right time_…"

"Shut. Up."

"_But he means nothing to you and you don't know why_…"

"YES I DO! It's a stupid rabbit. Get it away!" McKay slapped the poor stuffed animal out of Sheppard's hands and it flew across the room. Sheppard giggled unceremoniously and ran to retrieve it.

The colonel then put on his best Mickey Mouse voice and hung the rabbit in front of Rodney again. "_I am everything you want, I am everything you need, I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be. I say all the right things at exactly the right time…but I mean nothing to ya and I don't know why!_"

At the last torturous note, he shook the bunny and plopped it in McKay's lap. The scientist looked ready to have a seizure. He was red and he was brutally grinding his teeth. Taking the bunny, he promptly ripped its head off.

Sheppard gaped at him, pointing at the headless bunny. "Oh my GOD, McKay!" he gasped. "You're evil."

"CARSON!" screeched McKay, running from the room. Carson gave a small, girlish scream as Rodney plowed into him. "Help me, you useless sheep-herder!" He pulled Carson in front of him, the Scot giggling like Sheppard.

Elizabeth sauntered around the room, singing any song from _Across the Universe _she could think of. "HAPPPPINEEESSS IS A WARMMMM GUNNN!" she caterwauled. Ronon clapped, whipping his dreadlocks around.

"Hey! Hey!" Daniel Jackson slurred. "Let's do Rockstar!"

"Um..." whispered Jack O'Neill.

"'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars…The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap…We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat!" Daniel screamed, running around the room manically. Jack and Sam stared at him, mouths hanging open.

"Holy Hannah."

"Oh my God…"

"Um…Danny-boy?"

Teal'c raised his eyebrows, exchanging looks with the only other sober person in the room, O'Neill. Cam Mitchell sat, arm wrapped around Sheppard, both men singing the _Smallville_ theme song as homage to the fallen purple bunny.

"Yeahhh!" whooped Elizabeth and Ronon, dancing wildly. Jack shuddered. Suddenly, a very unsuspecting Teyla walked in.

She was rudely greeted with, 'HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN YEAH!', '…THE LATEST DICTIONARY ON TODAY'S WHO'S WHO!', 'SOMEBODY SAAAAAAVE ME!', 'EEEK!', 'GET THAT STUPID BUNNY AWAAYYYY!', 'Oh no!', 'Holy CRAP!', 'YEEHAW KILL THE WRAITH YEP YEP!', and a terrified glance from General O'Neill.

"Are they…?"

"Insane? Almost. Try, like, two hundred hotel-sized scotches and tequilas!"

---------------------------------------

Ok, really random chapter. I'm sorry to anyone who finds it offensive in any way, but the idea just popped into my head after listening to some of the songs I mentioned. Heh.


	11. Ronon Says Fine

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Ronon Says Fine_

I don't own SGA, SG-1.

Carson rocks. 'nuff said.

-----------------

Carson yawned, careful not to do it too loudly. Ronon was at the other end of the room, polishing a very large knife. Carson sat on the edge of his bed, staring out the nearest window. It was so beautiful here. The beach was so calm and warm, and the trees and the salt air were all so rewarding!

"Isn't it so lovely?" he asked Ronon cheerily.

"It's fine."

"What about the beach?"

"It's fine."

"The food's good, though, isn't it?"

"It's fine."

"What about the…"

"It's fine."

"Right." muttered the doctor, looking down at his hands.

Suddenly, he noticed a mosquito. The little bugger was buzzing around the dresser. Ronon noticed it too. He slowly stood as the mosquito landed and snuck up behind it. He raised the knife.

"Ronon!" cried Beckett, eyes widening. Ronon shrugged and put his knife away.

Carson let out a breath he'd been holding and stared at his roommate. _Oh my lord_. He thought. _I'm going to die. _

-----------------------

Teyla took the other end of the sheet and folded it carefully, much to the joy of the cleaning lady. "Here you go," she said, handing the freshly folded sheet to the woman.

"Thanks, honey." said the lady, a bit surprised. Teyla nodded. When she had finished helping with the sheets, she left to find Elizabeth. She was at the railing of the building, looking out over the beach.

"I can't wait to get out there!"

"Neither can I." Teyla agreed. "Rodney and I agreed to go to the other end of the resort today."

"Rodney? Really?"

"Yes. I believe he wishes to escape colonel Sheppard."

"Ah. Yes, of course." giggled Elizabeth. "Well, have fun!"

"You too, Elizabeth."

------------------------

John handed the shampoo to Rodney, ignoring the scientist's grimace. "Oh. Nice. You used the whole thing."

"I did not." muttered Sheppard, rubbing his hair vigorously with a towel. He then noticed McKay staring at him.

"Um…what?"

"Your hair. Is that all you do to it? It's just the way it always sticks up…it's like…I thought…"

Sheppard stared at him blankly. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh. Right. Never mind."

As Rodney was about to close the bathroom door behind him, Sheppard plucked up his courage and spoke up. "Hey, um…you wanna go down to the beach later? Or wherever is good…"

Rodney opened and closed his mouth, looking shocked at the friendly gesture. "I promised Teyla I would go around the other side of the resort with her." he said quickly.

"Oh. Ok, never mind." said Sheppard, silently wondering what he was going to do for the rest of the day.

"Sorry!" defended Rodney. Sheppard shrugged, deciding he could go find Carson, Ronon or Elizabeth. He heard the water turn on from inside the bathroom, and was about to leave when he heard a shrill shriek.

"God it's freezing!"

Sheppard grinned evilly.

--------------------

Does anyone really care whether or not I push SG-1 towards the back of the chapter list? Because I was planning to make the next few chapters about the different adventures of each pair of characters.


	12. Attack of the Manic Fangirls

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Attack of the Manic Fangirls_

I don't own SGA, SG-1.

-----------------

"Why are things so slow around here?" asked Daniel, looking up at the sky with his perfect, sexy, round, baby-blue…uh…excuse me. Ahem.

"Why are things so slow around here?" asked Daniel, looking up at the sky with narrowed eyes. He turned to Jack, who looked confused. As always.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, there haven't been any new chapters for a while."

"Chapters?"

"Yeah. Chapters."

"Danny-boy, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh. Never mind."

Suddenly, Sheppard popped up out of nowhere. "The authoress says she'll have the next real chapter up in a few days or so. She said it was because she was working on another story she had to get done first. I think it was a whump." Sheppard paled and shuddered.

"So?" questioned Jack.

"About me!" hissed Sheppard. "She said it was a whump about me!"

The two other men's eyes widened. "Oh dear." said Daniel. "I myself have many manic fangirls looking to whump me." He narrowed his eyes and looked around at the poolside.

"You never know when one might leap out of the woods and –AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Daniel as a manic fangirl leaped out of bushes and tackled him to the ground. She laughed hysterically and…manically as she quickly dragged Daniel away.

Jack and Sheppard stared at each other. "Run, boy, RUN!" squawked Jack suddenly, leaping up and making a mad dash for the hotel door. But at the last moment, a fangirl propelled herself out of the nearest tree and knocked Jack right into the bushes on the opposite side of the pavement.

"They're HEEEEEERE!" cried John as he frantically searched for a place to hide. He jumped into the bushes and curled up. But alas, there was a very, very crazy looking blond fangirl there. She paused, furrowed her brow in careful thought, eyed Sheppard and stroked her chin.

"Um…hi?" Sheppard tried. Wrong thing to say.

"OMG, OMG HE SAID HI TO ME! SQUEEEEEE! LOL!!!!111!!1!"

-------------------------

Ok, I'd better stop before I go overboard. I just wanted to say I'll be back to this story soon, I just need to finish the one I'm working on now. It's a very serious whump, pretty much the opposite of this story. By the way, this chapter is homage to all the manic fangirls out there (such as me). Cheerio!


	13. Not Very Bright

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers

_Not very bright_

Sheppard lay back on the deck chair, watching Ronon toss kids into the pool as if they were little bags of beans, or sugar. He hoisted one up, and then he would toss them effortlessly to the other end of the pool. "Oh, nice one, big guy! That one went far!"

Carson sat nearby, sipping loudly from a Dr. Pepper. "These things are bloody delicious…" he muttered, getting a raised eyebrow from Sheppard. Suddenly, there was a loud shriek. A small girl was sitting by the pool, holding her knee and screaming her head off.

Groaning, Carson ran to help her. "Hello, luv, what's your name?"

"O-olivia."

"Hello, Olivia. I'm Carson. Let me look?"

"You have a funny voice!"

"Why thank you, so do you." This was the fourth child that Carson had run to help today. Where were their mothers anyway? Hearing soft snickering from the deck chairs, Carson looked back and threw a glare at Sheppard.

"Laugh while you want to, colonel, but when you fall and skin your knee you can go straight to Ronon here for help!" The girl giggled as Carson helped her sit up on a chair. Then, a young woman came running to the child, looking distressed.

"Olivia! Olivia! What did you do?"

"She jus' fell, miss. She's alright."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" The woman said hurriedly, taking Olivia away. Carson raised an eyebrow and looked back at Sheppard, who was really trying hard not to start laughing out loud.

--------------------------

"Look at it." muttered Rodney, mouth hanging open. The glowing colors moved in globs, melding and popping slowly apart. He titled his head, touching the glass.

"It is a lava lamp?" asked Teyla, joining Rodney to stare, mesmerized.

"Oh yeah." Rodney grinned, very close to drooling on the lamp itself.

"They seem…quite addictive."

"Huh?"

"They seem quite addictive."

"Only if you're stupid enough to stare at one for, like, ever." slurred Rodney, never taking his eyes off the red and pink blobs. Teyla sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"How about we leave this gift shop and go meet up with everyone else?"

"I'm getting this."

Teyla groaned. "Of course."

---------------------------

"What the hell is that?"

"It's a lava lamp, colonel."

Sheppard smacked Rodney upside the head. "I know _that_. Where did it come from?"

"Ow! It came from the friggin' gift shop, where else?"

Sheppard raised an eyebrow, leaning in close. "It's kind of…addicting." he muttered, hazel eyes going glassy.

"Tell me about it."

------------------------------

Thanks to Hilo for giving me the idea for this chapter! I took the joke and tweaked it a bit. And to clear some things up… No. I'm not a guy.


	14. Unexpected Returns

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_It's a Very Special Culture_

I don't own SGA, SG-1, or Michael Shanks, who I borrowed some of the lines from. They're from this really great interview you might have seen.

-----------------

Daniel peeked at the glass, ready to begin hyperventilating if he got too close. "Ok, easy, Daniel, you don't want to overdo yourself."

"Let me go, Jack! I need to get a closer look!"

"Daniel, it's a cup."

"A SPECIAL CUP!"

"It looks normal to me. It's just an old cup."

"A SPECIAL CUP!"

"Okaaaaay…" Jack muttered, backing up. Daniel snorted, brushing off his sleeves as he continued staring at the relic.

"It's nice, isn't it?" asked the museum lady.

"Mm…"

"He's an archaeologist. He likes the cup."

"Oh! That's very interesting."

"Mmm." Daniel would have continued to hypnotize himself with the cup if Jack hadn't grabbed his arm and forcefully moved him away.

"Jaaaaaack! Jack you can't do that! It's a very special culture!"

"It's always the same thing with you!" yelped Jack.

Daniel sputtered indignantly, figuring out what to say. "Ok. This just got kind of awkward."

"Oh my god, it did!" yelled Sam, who had been watching from behind a garbage can.

Teal'c just snored, fast asleep. "It needs me to make it un-awkward." muttered Sheppard, running a gentle hand over a guitar. Rodney poked him in the back, earning a disgruntled, "Watch it, McKay!"

Elizabeth shrugged. "Well, now that we're all here, what do you wan to do?"

"Go to town!"

"Hit something." supplied Ronon, grinning stupidly.

"STUDY!"

"Watch The Simpsons!"

"Eww, you actually like that crap?"

"Shut up, Rodney."

"Ok. How about we silently go to town while hitting the trees on the way there along with reading books strapped to our arms and watching mini TVs strapped to our feet?"

A dead silence followed. "Who said that?" asked Elizabeth, grimacing.

"Um…me?" said a meek voice from the corner. There was a hushed silence as everyone turned around. Mitchell stood apart form the group, bathed in light from a lone bulb directly above his head.

"Don't look at me!" he cried indignantly. "I'm not that stupid!" With that, he quickly stepped out of the way to stand behind Teal'c, revealingJonas.

"JONAS?" squeaked Sam, leaping to give him a huge hug. Jack caught her in mid air, eying Jonas suspiciously. Daniel shuffled backward.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm on vacation! Duh!"

* * *

Gasp! A cliffhanger of sorts! I apologize if you don't really know who Jonas is, but I believe this vacation just got very interesting for SG-1! 


	15. Floor Sliding

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Floor Sliding_

I don't own SGA or SG-1. Heehee. Oh, by the way, I'm totally open to suggestions here!

-----------------

Sheppard sat on the floor of his room, staring absently at the dresser in front of him. Everyone was out on the town, and he was stuck here because he'd had a stomach ache earlier. It was completely gone now, and he was bored out of his mind. He looked out over the rug he was sitting on. Unlike most hotels, this rug wasn't glued to the floor. IN fact, the floor was a very nice, glazed hardwood one. Sheppard grinned. Ohhhh, yes.

He giggled like a small boy, sliding across the floor with his socks. He'd nearly broken the lamp a total of seven times, due to crashing into it. Flying to the opposite side of the room, he nearly crashed into the door that lead to the balcony. He'd done this for hours on end as a kid, sliding across the floors on either his feet or his butt, the former being a bit less painful.

Ok. It had driven his dad insane, but hey. "Go! Go! Go!" he chirped happily, sliding across the floor in a fit of pure joy. He then ran, plopping down and flying across the wide wooden expanse.

"Holy SHIT!" squawked a terrified voice as Sheppard plowed into its owner's legs. "You've lost it, haven't you? Your drunk!" muttered Rodney, trying to untangle himself from Sheppard's limbs.

"Am NOT! I was…just…umm…" stated Sheppard awkwardly, trying to find a way out of his little situation. "So why are you back early anyway?" He asked accusingly, not thinking of anything better to say.

"The ladies went out shopping, Ronon went off to go watch some stupid show, and SG-1 was at some late night dance party thing."

"Ooh…fancy."

"So I take it you're feeling better?" asked McKay, rolling his eyes a bit as he sat on his bed and flipped his sandals off.

"Yeah. It went away an hour ago."

"What did, your sanity?"

"My stomach ache." corrected Sheppard flatly.

"Wow. You must've nearly died from monotony."

"Almost." John joked, sitting down cross-legged on the floor. "But I survived by planning out different ways to poison you with barrels of citrus." Rodney paled and sputtered indignantly, muttering something about stupid flyboys and their blatant disregard for science. After an awkward minute or so, McKay finally spoke to John.

"TV?" asked Rodney, pulling his legs up.

"Nah. What about some more floor sliding?"

"Mmmm...no."

"Come on, you'll like it!"

"I said no."

"I said yes."

Rodney stared into Sheppard's eyes, seeing that idiotic determination he so often got. "Ok. FINE." He pulled on a pair of socks he had in his bedside table. Shuffling over to John, who was grinning like a kid at Christmas, Rodney sighed exasperatedly. At least no one else was here to see this.

"I say we spin around as fast as we can and see who either falls or gets sick first!"

"How about we don't?"

John thought a moment. "What about we set out an obstacle course and see who can pick up the most things the fastest?"

Rodney just groaned in reply.

"OK…go." said Sheppard, hopping up onto his bed. He'd managed to get a CD cover, 3 highlighters, one slipper, one copy of _Batman_, and 4 toy cars picked up from all over before he'd finally crashed into the desk. Now it was Rodney's turn.

Breezing along quite easily, Rodney grabbed a straw, the CD cover (Johnny Cash), 2 of the cars and a ribbon before a startled voice sounded from the doorway. Sheppard jumped, not expecting anyone. Rodney responded to Sheppard's start by slamming into the door to the balcony and letting himself collapse on the floor, holding his nose.

"What in bloody hell do you think yer doin'?" stuttered Carson, eying Sheppard's bruised elbow and Rodney on the ground.

"Dying." came Rodney's flat response.

"Floor sliding."

"Uh-huh." said the doctor. "Colonel, I take it you're feeling alright?"

"Peachy, doc!"

"Rodney?"

"Dying. I said that already, didn't I?"

"Aye. From pain or shame?" Sheppard snickered at this while reaching down and helping McKay up.

"This is your fault." McKay pointed an accusing finger at Sheppard. Sheppard pointed at Beckett.

"Carson startled me!"

"Oh, lay the blame on me, would ya? God, you two never cease to act like overgrown children!" With an exasperated sigh, Carson trudged out of the room.

"Hey!" called McKay, hopping up and down, trying to yank off a sock. "Watch who you're calling a baby! Sheppard, you evil little bastard stop laughing at me!"

* * *

Notes!

Heh. Poor McKay. He gets stuck in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. I apologize for Sheppard acting kind of "giddy" in this chapter. I guess boredom and vacation will do that to you. Anyway, I have a list I plan to keep adding to of chapters that will be written. I am hoping that my lovely readers can add some too.


	16. Lannah Bontana

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Lannah Bontana A.K.A Ciley Myrus _

I don't own SGA or Sg-1.

-----------------

Jonas looked at all the things lined up on the table. Hmmm….smoked salmon and capers. Shrugging, he scooped a large portion into the bowl. Oooh! Hot cereal! He scooped out a glob, and ignoring the horrified look on Daniel's face, poured it over the salmon. Next, he took a banana (his favorite, remember?) and put it in the middle. He topped off his breakfast with a nice helping of delicious sour cream and went to sit down with the rest of his team.

Daniel looked down at his plate. He had a toasted bagel and cream cheese. Sam had a bowl of hot cereal and cinnamon. Teal'c, who was accustomed to Earth food, had a large pile of rolls and pastries. Mitchell had bacon and potatoes, and Jack had grabbed himself a half of the bagel from Daniel's plate.

Sitting down at their table, Daniel reached for Jack's food and tried to swipe the bagel half back, but the general smacked his hand away.

"Oh boy!" Jonas said eagerly. "This looks great!" Borrowing Sam's fork, he peeled the banana and dropped it back in the bowl. He then proceeded to mash its contents together with a nauseating squishy sound. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, um, Mr. Quinn? You gonna eat all that?" inquired Mitchell.

"Why, wouff you wike ome?" said Jonas through a giant mouthful. Mitchell just shook his head and shuddered slightly.

"So, uh…Jonas." began Daniel, taking a bite of his bagel. "How did you find us?"

"Not that you showing up is, like, creepy or anything…" added O'Neill.

"Mm. Well, I came for a visit. And that new general, Laundry…"

"Landry."

"Whatever. Laundry told me to come join you!"

"Just like that?"

"Um…I might have clung onto his jacket and cried because you weren't there, so he told me that as long as I kept the waterworks in check, I could come here with you!" With that, Jonas took a long swallow of cranberry juice. Daniel nodded sagely.

"So, how go things on Kelowna?"

"Well, there's this new person called Lannah Bontana, but their real name is Ciley Myrus. I don't know why everyone likes their music. It's complete garbage. It's terrible. It's such…"

Jack coughed loudly, and somewhere in New Jersey, a little girl's heart broke. "Be nice."

"Ahem. Sorry."

"So, besides this new singing girl…"

"Girl? You mean Lannah? He's a really scary fifty year old man."

"Oh."

---------------------------------

I trust most of you got the reference? I'm really sorry for the long delay in getting this up. And I'm also sorry if you were that girl in New Jersey.


	17. Meanwhile

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Meanwhile…_

I don't own SGA or Sg-1. Look, my people, I really need ideas for this story. As you can see, I haven't updated in a long time because I'm running out of ideas. So I appreciate any help…

-----------------

Lorne tapped his finger on the desk. "Your turn, doc." he told Zelenka, grinning, like, evilly. Zelenka rubbed away the sweat that was forming on his brow.

"Ah…yes, yes."

Ten minutes later, Zelenka slowly moved his hand over a rook. Lorne sighed heavily and tilted his chair back on its hind legs. "Come onnnn!"

"Major! This is not to be rushed!"

"Right. No rushing." Finally, however, Zelenka moved a bishop forward. Lorne sat back up, scrutinizing the board. "Uh-oh, doc."

"What?"

"Maybe castling at the beginning of the game wasn't such a good idea…"

"What? What?" moaned Zelenka, eyes darting over the pieces.

"Checkmate."

"What?"

"I said checkmate."

"That's not possible."

"Um…yeah, it is. Look!" Lorne leaned over and pointed out where his queen had Zelenka's king cornered.

Zelenka's eyes widened to about twice their normal size. "No! I am the champion here! I usually beat everyone! EVERYONE! I SHOULD HAVE WON!"

Lorne blinked, a little freaked out. "Doc, it's only a game."

"BUT IT IS MY GAME!"

"Okaaay." muttered Lorne, pulling a face. He looked up as Chuck (the cutest technician in the universe), came up behind Zelenka. He sat down next to Lorne, both watching as the scientist went all…weird.

"What's up with him?" asked Chuck, taking a sip of coffee.

"I beat him at 'his game'."

"NOOOO!" cried Zelenka, ripping chunks of hair out of his head.

"Ohhhhh." said Chuck, nodding sagely. "So, how's it going?"

"Oh, it's okay I guess."

"NOOOO!"

"Oh. Since the Colonel's been gone, everything's been really quiet."

"NOOOO!"

"Jeez, doc, shut UP! Yeah, it _has_ been quiet."


	18. Meanwhile 2

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Meanwhile 2 _

I don't own SGA or SG-1. Look, my people, I really need ideas for this story. As you can see, I haven't updated in a long time because I'm running out of ideas. So I appreciate any help…

-----------------

Chuck slowly brought the donut (or is it doughnut?) to his mouth. Chewing quietly and thoughtfully, he tilted his head to look at the console. It was puurrdy. Hmm.

Struggling to swallow the way-too-giant bite of his tasty snack, Chuck knocked his knuckles idly on the edge of his seat. Gulp. Gullllppp. Zelenka eyed him strangely, raising an eyebrow. Chuck coughed slightly, waving to the Czech scientist with his doughnut/donut hand. "Hey."

"Yes…hello."

"So…what're you doing?"

"Important things."

"That's cool." said Chuck, nodding happily.

"Hey guys!" said a particularly chipper Major Lorne.

"Ah. Major." Zelenka spat, puffing out his chin.

"Doc, I told you I was sorry."

"How can you apologize for…for…_winning_?" Zelenka choked the last word out as if it was the most difficult thing he ever had to say.

"I don't know. But at the time it seemed like you wanted me to." Lorne laughed nervously, taking a step closer to Chuck. "I didn't know he was in here…" Lorne whispered carefully to the technician.

"Major."

"Colonel!"

"Technician."

"Colonel."

"Doctor."

"Colonel."

"Donkey!"

"Who said that?"

Everyone (except Caldwell) shook their heads vigorously as Chuck raced to hide the talking donkey from Shrek under his work station.

"Right…well, what brings you here Lorne?"

"Um…actually sir…"

"Did you want to report something?"

"No, um…actually sir…"

"Did you want to check on something?"

"No, um…actually sir…"

"Did you want to ask me something?"

"No, um…actually sir…"

"Well?"

"…I forgot."

Colonel Caldwell rolled his eyes but managed to hold back a massive sigh. "Right. Of course. Well, if you need anything I'll be in my office smashing my head against any available walls."

"Uh…Sir?" asked Chuck, thoroughly confused.

"I said I'll be in my office filling out reports."

"Oh."

* * *

AN: So how was it? I like it. It's fun to write with some new characters for a change. Lorne has the potential to be very funny. I believe the next chapter will be about SG-1, however. 


	19. the LOST idiots

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

LOST

"Bloody hell. I'm not equipped for this at all!"

"Oh, come on Doc. I don't think any of us are." muttered Sheppard. The pilot turned and scanned the island. Lorne was sitting near them, tuning his guitar, the hood of his jacket pulled up over his head.

"So, what's goin' on? Have we found a way off yet?"

Ronon sat farther off, sharpening a knife. He had a close eye on Elizabeth and Teyla, who were talking quietly to each other while helping to gather useful objects on the beach. Rodney was wandering around, going through suitcases from the broken jumper.

"Oh, god, I need food." he groaned. Beckett turned around, not that sympathetic.

"Look, we've got to find a way off this island. I need someone to help me locate survivors and find medical supplies."

"Don't look at me, Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes-Saint." scoffed Sheppard, examining a necklace he'd just found in the sand. Suddenly, a man ran out of the jungle, screaming.

"Who the hell is that?" yelped Lorne, shuffling over to where Carson and Sheppard were standing. Rodney screamed and ran for cover.

"Who are you?" the man demanded breathlessly. He was soon followed by Ronon, who was wearing a look of grim satisfaction.

"What did _you_ do?" asked Sheppard.

Ronon shrugged. "Found a hatch. Ripped it open. Found him." Ronon motioned toward Zelenka, who was babbling something in Czech.

"I'm not alone!" he cried. "HALLELUJAH!"

"None of us are alone." said Ford (who appears out of nowhere because the author can't think of another character suitable for representing Sayid).

"How do you know?"

"Because I heard them in the woods, when I was being held captive by a sexy alien."

"See? Even HE gets to be captured by the sexy alien!" Rodney yelled out of nowhere. Everyone stared at him. "Er…right. Sorry. I'll just go…look for food."

"Okay. So…Lorne. Go with Ronon. And…"

"Whoa. Wait."

"What?"

"I think this is kind of stupid."

"What is?"

"Re-enacting Lost."

Sheppard blinked. "Hey! Hoodie! Don't question me."

Lorne scoffed and hugged his guitar. Ronon suddenly walked back toward the group, carrying a wraith he'd found in the jungle. "Look! I found one."

"One of what?"

"Don't talk to me." said Ronon to Ford.

Carson reached into his pocket, surprised to find a power bar there. Rodney, about 100 yards away, spotted it instantly. "Hey! Doc! I need that food!" He started running over, clutching his chest and gasping. Sheppard stared at him, shaking his head. Zelenka laughed.

Carson sighed. "Didn't anyone tell you we have rations in the jumper?"

"Say what now?"

"We have rations in the jumper, man. Just don't look in the second compartment to the right…I, um, have something in there. It's a secret." Everyone turned to Lorne. "What?"

"Why didn't anyone tell me we had food here?" screeched Rodney, pointing around a finger accusingly. Sheppard shrugged.

Elizabeth and Teyla made their way over. "Um, guys? What are you doing?"

"Re-enacting Lost."

"That's **so** stupid. Besides, Lorne, Ford, and Zelenka aren't even here. How could you be talking to them?"

Everyone looked around, and remembered that they had used dead starfish to represent the missing members since none of them were actually there.

Sheppard shifted his feet. "Um…"

"I'm still hungry!" cut in Rodney.

* * *

Thank you! From:

Jack and or Carson

Kate and or Elizabeth

Sawyer and or Sheppard

Hurley and or Rodney

Desmond and or Zelenka

Locke and or Ronon

Charlie and or Lorne

Claire and or Teyla

I apologize sincerely to those who do not watch Lost, but this chapter is actually an old one I never posted.


	20. Phobias

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

Phobias

Thanks to **lakewater** for this idea!

* * *

Daniel picked up a starfish on the beach and turned it over in his hand, stroking its little legs. Jack walked up behind him, saw the starfish, and ran off screaming.

Daniel started, squeaking in shock. "Jack?" he asked, looking around. The colonel was hiding behind a random woman's cooler.

"Um…Jack?"

"Who is that?!" the woman yelped, leaping out of her seat. Jack waved feebly.

"Oh, sorry ma'am, he's with me."

Daniel took Jack by the arm and pulled him away from the cooler. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm…fine."

Daniel stared at him. "You saw a starfish and ran off screaming."

"No I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Okay, look." Jack shifted uneasily."I've got…issues…with…COUGHstarfishCOUGH."

"Starfish?"

"Yes, okay? I was young!" Daniel stared at his friend.

"Okaaaaaay."

"So, anyway, Danny…do you want to go see that show tonight?"

"What show?"

"It's like, lyrical ballet or something. Carter has her heart set on it." Daniel paled, shuddering.

"I can't."

"Why not? It might be fun, there are hot women there."

"Jack, I CAN'T. I can't watch…you know what."

"What?"

"I can't take…IT."

"WHAT?"

"LYRICAL BALLET! I can't watch LYRICAL BALLET!" He burst into tears.

At that moment, Sam showed up with Mitchell, who was trying to count to 1256 on his fingers. She smiled at the colonel and the archaeologist. "Hi, what's going on?"

"Jack has starfish issues." Daniel pointed at Jack's nose.

"Dammit, Daniel!" Jack shoved him (sort of like a grammar school kid would).

"Starfish? WHERE?!" screeched Mitchell, looking around wildly.

They all ignored him. "Daniel is afraid of ballet!"

"Lyrical ballet, Jack, _lyrical_!"

At that moment, Sheppard and McKay happened to walk by. "Jeez." Muttered Shep, nudging Rodney in the ribs. "Aren't they so weird?"

"Yeah, I guess…Oh, no…LEMONADE! EEEEEEK!" Rodney screamed, running away from little girl who had appeared behind Sheppard. He ran so fast that he slammed into Jack, sending the colonel flying next to a pail of dead starfish. He then flailed his arms and twisted in the air near Daniel. The archaeologist blanched.

Sam, just freaked, retreated behind Mitchell. "732!" squeaked Cameron, grinning triumphantly at his left hand.

Sheppard shook his head sadly. "SG teams are **so **screwed up." he observed.

* * *

Jonas laid back next to Teal'c, sipping on an orange soda. "Oh, this is fun isn't it?"

"It is indeed amusing to observe others in their feeble attempts at shoving each other into the pool."

"Oh, come now, Ronon!"

"Doc, I am not going in that pool!"

"Oh, bloody hell. Why not?" snapped Carson.

Ronon just growled.

I know this chapter was really short, but I had to give you something. So, I'll start trying to do the suggestions now. They're all so good! Oh, and by the way, in my world, Jack's still a colonel. And he's still in charge of SG-1. I know this makes NO sense, but I don't really like Jack as a general. Cam's just there because, well, he's there.


	21. Break It Up

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

Break It Up

"Hi!"

Jonas received nothing but an uninviting growl. He paused, pressing a finger to his lips. Jonas was always friendly, and he sort of assumed others would be friendly to him back. Except for the Goa'uld of course, they were just plain rude.

"Ronon, right?"

"What's it to you?"

"Wanna be friends?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Well, we aliens have to stick together, right?"

Teal'c walked by and did a really fantastic eyebrow raise. "Are you once again suggesting an alien conspiracy, Jonas Quinn?"

"No! Of course not!"

"I think he was. We should beat him up."

"What? WHY?" Jonas began to cry, showering everyone with tears.

Jack then happened to walk up, and froze upon seeing Jonas. "_I'm not here_…" he whispered to Teal'c, backing away. Too late.

"Jaaaaaaaack!" Jonas cried, making a beeline for the colonel.

"Oh...NO." Jack ran for it. He ducked behind seventh graders, slipped past pool hands, threw picnic baskets behind him, and even tried throwing a few papayas in the Kelownan's path. However, he was soon trapped in front of a wall. There was no escape.

Jack shivered, turning around as Jonas's shadow appeared over him. He felt around the wall for exits. "Jonas…don't do this…"

Jonas just kept crying and flapping his hands.

O'Neill winced as he came closer.

Then Jack sighed angrily as Jonas threw his arms around his neck and sobbed into it. "They're making fun of me!"

Jack tried to pry Jonas off him. "Not…my…problem."

Jonas squeezed tighter and Jack coughed, air supply being cut off. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"God, Jonas…stop…!"

"Uh…I'm not interrupting something am I?" asked Sam innocently.

"Carter! Get… him…off!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Finally, Sam and Jack managed to pry Jonas's arms from the colonel's neck. The Kelownan then stuck to Sam, sort of like an octopus.

"SAM! They're gonna beat me up!"

"What?" Sam cooed, cradling the little Jonas in her arms. "Who?"

Jack rolled his eyes.

"R-ronon and T-T-Teal'c."

Jack approached Teal'c a few minutes later, arms crossed. O'Neill had Jonas in tow behind him, the Kelownan holding onto Jack's t-shirt for dear life. He took Jonas by the shoulders and stood him in front of the two larger aliens.

"T? Can _you_ explain **this**?"

"I am sorry, Jonas Quinn. I did not mean to upset you."

Ronon stayed silent.

"And you?"

"I didn't do anything."

Jonas scowled. BAM! Ronon staggered back and fell. Jack's jaw slid open. Sam dropped the drink she was holding. "Whoa."

Jonas Quinn had just knocked out Ronon Dex. Teal'c raised an eyebrow.

Jack began inching away from the scene.

"Sir, why were you running?" asked Jonas quietly. Everyone eyed the colonel, except Ronon, who was unconscious.

Jack took off. Again.


	22. Nelson

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

Nelson

Carson met a lizard. He loved this lizard as his own, cuddling it every minute. The lizard loved Carson back, sitting peacefully in his hands. The doctor carried the lizard into the buffet. Rodney blinked at it, pointing. "Uh…Carson? What the hell is that?"

"Oh, Rodney. Quit yer gabbin'."

"Don't tell me to quit my gabbing, you highland shepherd!"

"What?" asked John, thoroughly discombobulated.

"Not you!"

"But, you said…"

Rodney heaved a sigh. "I know what I said, SHEPPARD."

"Mm." Sheppard decided to ignore the incident and went back to picking apart his bowl of Lucky Charms for the marshmallows. Carson sat the lizard down by his own plate and gave it a crumb.

"Hey, there's a lizard near your plate, doc. Don't worry, I'll get it." muttered Ronon, shifting a steak knife in his hand. He leaned over the table, the knife clenched in his fist.

"Ahh, Ronon! No!" Carson scooped up the lizard just as the knife sank into the wood, vibrating precariously. Everyone blanched, eyeing the swaying piece of cutlery. The lizard squeaked, clinging to Carson's shirt.

Ronon slowly took the knife back, shrugging. A few marshmallows fell out of Sheppard's gaping mouth. Rodney, though still pale, glared at him dangerously. Sheppard grinned apologetically.

"So, anyway…what is that lizard doing here?" asked Elizabeth, leaning forward to get a good look at the small reptile.

"Yes, is it polite here to bring an animal to the table?" inquired Teyla.

"Oh, don't worry, lass. I'm sure…" Carson trailed off, gaze darting around the table. The lizard was gone. All eyes at the table shifted around. Rodney looked quickly at his plate, Sheppard looked under his sandal, Teyla glanced at her hands, and Elizabeth looked at Carson. Ronon just looked mad.

However, the lizard was nowhere to be found. Carson got up right away, shuffling over to the buffet table. He opened each food…thing and looked inside. He shifted through fruit, spooned porridge, shook cereal, and manhandled bacon. "I cannae find Nelson!"

"Nelson?" asked Rodney, who had come up to get more food. "Don't tell me you named the thing."

"Yes, Rodney, I named Nelson. Wee Nelson the lizard."

Rodney just stared at him. At that moment, the little girl from a previous chapter happened to walk by. "Stupid baby!" she cooed, pointing at Rodney. The physicist paled and began sputtering.

"That little…every time…I'll get her!" Rodney stalked back to the table, but not before getting a bagel from the basket. Nelson crept along the side of said bagel, knowing full well that he was about to be discovered. Rodney froze, looking down at his hand. The lizard stopped, staring back at Rodney.

As usual, McKay's first, instinctive reaction was to scream like a little girl and start waving his hands hysterically. Nelson hung on for dear life as Rodney screeched and waved his arms around. Sheppard, who had leapt out of his seat at the first scream, saw that it was only Rodney being an idiot and sat back down. By the time Carson had run over and snatched Nelson back, the entire restaurant was staring at the strange man making a scene.

Elizabeth ducked her head. "Oh my god…so embarrassing."

"It's only a wee lizard, Rodney." muttered Carson, placing Nelson on his hair (his own hair, not Rodney's).

"I don't think it would've killed you."

"Wow, McKay. Wow."

"I..." Teyla couldn't think of anything to say.

At that moment, Mitchell walked by, followed by an exasperated Daniel. As Cameron rushed off to search the buffet table, Daniel heaved a sigh and turned to the Atlantis people. "Have any of you seen a little tree frog around here?" he paused and looked back at Mitchell, who was asking a random two year old if he'd seen the thing. Daniel turned back to the blank looks of the Atlantis group, wishing he hadn't agreed to help Mitchell in the first place.

"Is there anything else we can use to identify it?" asked Carson, innocently enough.

Daniel winced. He was hoping it wouldn't come to that. He sighed. "According to…Mitchell, she answers to the name of…'Yvette'."

"Found her?" called Mitchell from across the room.

"No, _colonel_, I have not found _Yvette_ yet!"

* * *

Haha, I liked this one. Anyway, I'm sure you've noticed that I'm sort of merging the Atlantis and SG-1 stories together a lot. I hope you don't mind, but I'm getting a lot of good ideas using both of them together. I'll try to use some of your suggestions, and I thank you very much for them. Next update coming soon! YAY!


	23. Awwwkward

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Awwwkward_..._

"Ughh…" Sam moaned, lying on her side. She felt horrible. She was tired, irritated, and she was also being tortured by cramps. You know, THOSE cramps. It was…that time of month again. She looked at the clock. 2:01 P.M. Just one minute past 2:00 P.M. She rolled over onto her other side, hating life in general. She shut her eyes tight and groaned.

Sam would go out to the pharmacy in the resort and get something herself, but she couldn't find the strength to move. She moaned again in horrible pain. Daniel, who seemed to be everywhere today, froze. "Sam?" he asked, biting his knuckles. "You okay?"

She forced a smile, twitching. "Daniel. I'm fine, I swear."

"Uh…are you sure?"

"Yes." she stressed the word, the little fuse to her temper getting shorter.

"Are you really sure?" asked Daniel.

"YES, GODAMMIT, I'M FINE, GOD!" she screeched. Daniel literally leapt back, clutching his chest. Yep, definitely that time of month again. Being observant, he had put the pieces of the puzzle together when the same thing had happened to Sha're on Abydos. He shuddered. Bad memories, bad memories.

Sam fell back, holding her abdomen.

"Why don't you take something?" he asked quietly, leaning in closer.

"Um…this is awkward." muttered Carter. "But, I don't have anything," she paused. "Daniel, could you…get something for me?"

Daniel paled a bit. This WAS awkward. But he was Daniel, and Daniel was too good-natured to ever let Sam suffer like that.

"Of course, Sam." he assured, smiling.

"Um…Midol would be fine."

"Sure. Midol. Okay." Daniel took his wallet from the desk and went back out the door.

Buying the medication was a lot more awkward than Daniel had thought. The old woman at the counter gave him a funny look, but the girl behind him on the line gave the archaeologist an understanding nod. Daniel just made a small, embarrassed noise in the back of his throat.

On the way out, he ran right into Jack's chest. He stepped back, startled, and clutched the bag to his chest. "Hey, watch where you're…oh, Daniel, it's you." Jack observed, looking up.

"Um…hi, Jack."

"Hi. Watcha got there?"

"Nothing."

Jack gave him a funny look. "Okaaay…I was just getting some chips and stuff."

"Good for you. Gotta go…" said Daniel, taking off down the hall. Jack watched his friend's retreating back, pretty confused.

"Here, quick!" said Daniel, throwing a bottle of water and the Midol at the foot of the bed Sam was lying in. She fumbled around, reaching for them as Daniel peeked out the door. A few minutes later, Sam was waiting for the pills to take effect when Jack strolled into the room.

"Hey, kids."

"GOD, SIR, CAN'T YOU KEEP IT DOWN?"

Jack just stared at her, then he drew his gaze to Daniel. The younger man winced, and Jack understood right away. Yes, it was definitely that time of month again. Awwwkward…

* * *

I'm sure most of my readers can identify with this chapter. Anyway, here's a little disclaimer for the brand 'Midol': I don't won Midol. Wow, wasn't that intense?


	24. The Good Will Chapter

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_The Good Will Chapter

"Oh, crap!"

"What?"

"I dropped the bottle."

"Ouch."

"Arghh!"

"Hey, Rodney."

"What?"

"It's not your fault."

"Yeah, I know that Sheppard."

"It's not your fault."

"Ok, what the hell are you playing at?"

"It's not your fault."

"I KNOW!"

"No. no…you don't. It's not your fault."

"Sheppard, I swear to god, if you say that one more time…!"

"It's not your fault…"

"Don't mess with me, Sheppard, not you too! You're freaking me out!"

"Hey! Sheppard! Quit quoting that movie to your friend there!" called Jack, rolling his eyes. Sheppard was wearing a giant smirk, while Rodney was tensed up, rambling about going insane. Daniel swore from somewhere across the table as his laptop fell off the table with a thump.

"God!" he hissed, kneeling down after it. Jack eyed him.

"Danny…"

"What?" Daniel looked up, curious at the use of his nickname.

Jack leaned closer. "It's not your fault."

* * *

So, _Good Will Hunting _is like, one of my favorite movies EVER. I know Family Guy did a parody of it, so I decided to do one too. If you've seen the movie, this should be pretty funny. If you haven't, see it. It's really beautiful. And then you'll get this chapter!


	25. Nothing

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

Nothing

"Daniel."

"What?"

"Psssst!"

"What is it, _Jack_?"

There was a long pause.

"…Nothing."

"Dammit, Jack, this is the third night IN A ROW you've done this to me!" Daniel snapped, taking a pillow out from under his head. He clenched it in his hand and then chucked it as hard as he could into Jack's general vicinity.

"Daniel!" Jack whined, persistent. "Daaaaniel."

"What?" The word was venomous.

"Guess what?"

"WHAT?"

There was a pause.

"…Nothing."

Daniel growled, deep in his throat, but didn't say anything.

Teal'c stared at the ceiling. "You are being quite childish and loud. I must ask you to refrain from interrupting my sleep any longer."

The two other men stared, nervously, at their companion.

"Um, Teal…"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

Jack grinned.

"…Nothing."

Daniel pressed a hand to his mouth, stifling his snicker.

* * *

"Hey, McKay."

"Huh?"

"McKay!"

"Wha?"

"You awake?"

"Now I am."

"Good. McKay..."

"WHAT?"

"Purple, peanut pickled peppers."

"Okay. That's it. I'm asking Carson and Ronon if I can move in."

"Rodney, um...look out for the..."

"OW!"

"...Table."

* * *

I'm really sorry that this is so short and it took me so long to update, but I've been feeling really sick lately, so I haven't been able to do much. But I've been thinking about you guys a lot, so I felt I really needed to get at least one chapter up.


	26. The Crusher

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

The Crusher

Ronon liked to crush people. Small people, large people, crazy people, sweet people…he crushed them all. It wasn't that is was something he liked to do…it was something he loved to do. "Hi, Ronon!" chirped Carson.

"Doc, I'd stay quiet if I were you."

Carson's eyes widened and his jaw twitched. "Why, are we bein' watched by the fed'ral government?"

"Does the federal government crush people?"

"Mmm…I suppose."

"Alright then. Yes, we're being watched by the federal government."

"Oh, we should call colonel Sheppard, I think."

"No, unless you want to be crushed into oblivion."

"Can I be crushed into Scotland instead?"

"OK, but you'll still be crushed."

"Yes, yes, yer right. I'd rather be on the run than be crushed in Scotland."

"That's right. Let's go find Teyla."

"Won't she be crushed as well if the federal government follows us?"

"No, they don't want to crush her."

"Why not?"

"Because she's pretty."

"I'm pretty!"

"And she's a woman."

"I'm a wom…never mind." Carson blushed and averted his eyes, whistling a made-up tune to the clouds. Ronon nodded sagely, continuing on his walk. "I have an idea! On our way to look for Teyla, let's get some soda!"

"Can we crush the cans after we drink them?"

"Sure, if ye want. But you have to recycle it after ye crush it."

"Okay, doc. Let's go get some."

Carson dug through his beach bag until he found a batch of dimes, nickels, pennies, and one quarter. Ronon pulled out a hundred dollar bill. "I got money."

"Ehh…I don't really think that'll do, Ronon."

"Why not?"

"It just won't…fit."

"I'll make it fit."

"Ye can't!" Carson protested. He sighed. "The machine won't accept it."

"I'll crush the machine if it doesn't accept it."

"Then how will we get drinks?"

Ronon blinked. For the first time, like, ever…Ronon couldn't crush something.


	27. Colonels and Cookie Dough

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
_Colonels and Cookie Dough

Cameron Mitchell sat, brows knitted in concentration, at the edge of Daniel's bed. He was staring at the archaeologist, trying to test the theory that one can feel oneself being stared at. He stared even harder, and surprisingly, Daniel stirred and sighed sleepily.

The archaeologist slowly blinked, eyes adjusting to the darkness. He saw a shape.

"GAHHHHHHHHH!" he screamed, shuffling back against the headboard. Chest rising and falling rapidly, he eyed Mitchell with confusion. "What the hell…is wrong with you?"

"What?"

"You're sitting on my bed."

"Why, yes I am."

"At...six in the morning?"

"That's right Jackson," said Mitchell happily, ripping the covers off the bed. "Come on!"

Daniel went rigid, staring wide-eyed at the colonel. He gathered the sheet back to his chest. "Umm…why…"

"What?" asked Cam, moving towards the door.

"Uh…um…nothing." muttered Daniel, sliding out of bed. "I'm too tired to protest…so where are we going?"

"To a special place."

"Oh god."

As they made their way down to the lobby, Cameron kept annoyingly glancing back to make sure Daniel was following him. Sort of like a golden retriever. Finally, they reached the resort's main kitchen. Daniel stopped and stood still. "Why are we here?"

"You'll see." Cameron paused, and then walked in, pulling the confused archaeologist in behind him. "Hey, Paco!"

"Cam! How you doing?"

"Good, good. How are we today?"

'_Oh, god...what is this?'_ thought Daniel, gazing around the resort's main kitchen. Cameron tugged on his sleeve, and he turned.

"This is my friend, Daniel Jackson."

"Hi!" bellowed Paco, wringing Daniel's hand until Daniel whimpered in pain. Paco grinned, moving back to grab some ingredients in his arms. He had mixes, bowls, sticks of butter…Oh no.

Cameron took some as well, laying them out on the table. "Here," said Cameron, chipper. He dumped some brown sugar and chocolate chips into Daniel's arms.

"What's this?"

"We're making cookie dough truffles!" squeaked Cameron.

"Cookie…what?"

"Cookie dough truffles, Jackson."

Daniel swallowed, still trying to figure out if he was being kidnapped.

Mitchell eyed him. "You're not being kidnapped."

"Oh."

As the night went on, it seemed to get stranger. Making those cookie dough things was fun enough, until a gecko was found in flour container. Daniel blanched, but Mitchell simply picked it up and tossed it out the window. "Oh, god…we eat this stuff?"

"Well, um…yes." said Paco, shrugging.

Daniel slowly chewed on a chocolate chip.

However, it got worse when Rodney walked in at around five, looking for free food. He froze, eyed Mitchell (supposedly searching him for citrus), and looked blankly around at everyone else. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and shuffled back out without a word. Cameron had just finished rolling the cookie dough into little misshapen spheres. He dumped them all into plastic bags and threw them to Paco's brother, Dominguez, who put them in the freezer.

"Let's go!" chirped Mitchell, grabbing Daniel's arm and heading for the door. The two members of SG-1 ran back as fast as they could, as it was already around the time people were waking up. Okay, no one was even close to getting up yet.

* * *

"Sheppard! Psssst! Sheppppaaard!"

"Wha-?"

"PSSSSSST."

"Eww, you're breathing in my ear!"

"I had the weirdest dream."

"Do I look like I care?" Sheppard, in fact, looked as if he cared about nothing but tuning Rodney out again. Unfortunately, the part of his brain that enabled this was still asleep.

"Doctor Jackson and Colonel Mitchell were in the hotel's kitchen making cookie dough truffles."

"Cookie what? How do you know?"

"I used to make them in college, they were so good! Once, I…"

"McKay."

"Anyway, they were making them with these two, big Spanish-looking hotel workers."

"McKay, that's, like…so unrealistic. Come on. Mitchell likes cooking? That's like Samantha Carter having tea parties!"

* * *

"More Darjeeling for you, Mr. Fluppy-wumps?"

"SAM?"

"CAMERON? DANIEL? What are you doing up? This isn't what it looks like, I swear!"

* * *

AN: Well, this chapter sort of flew out of hand right at the very beginning. I wanted to change it the entire time, but I thought it was kind of cute, so I decided to leave it.


	28. Meanwhile 3

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers  
Meanwhile III_

"Oh, my god…" muttered Lorne. "Look at this!"

"What is it Major?" said Zelenka without looking back.

"Look! Look at this! LOOK DAMMIT!"

"WHAT?"

"Nothing." Lorne began to laugh hysterically, while Zelenka grimaced angrily and snapped something in Czech. "Ok, ok. I'm sorry."

"Oh, no!"

"What?"

"There's something wrong with a power conduit in the Southwest end of the city. Go take a science team and check it out, will you?"

Lorne nodded and tapped his radio. "Captain Murphy, go take a science team to investigate a power conduit in the…"

"Southwest."

"…Southwestern quadrant of the city. What? I'm sure they'll know what to look for. Yeah, yeah, Lorne out."

Zelenka eyed him, annoyed. "Hey." Lorne defended. "I need to download CSI!"

Zelenka rolled his eyes. "Wonderful."

"Wanna watch it with me?"

"No."

"Ya sure?"

"Yes."

"Really sure?"

"YES."

"One Tree Hill?"

* * *

A/N:

So, how's it going peeps? I've decided to finish this story for good. It will have a total of forty chapters. So, get ready for them! Stay with me now, we're almost there. (That's sort of sad, isn't it?)


	29. Lizard Hunters

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

_Lizard Hunters_

Warning: This chapter was written at 1 am, so the normal rules of sanity may not apply.

* * *

"Oh, no. No." whispered Teyla, terrified. She pressed a hand to his mouth. He didn't. He couldn't have. Damn them!

John and Mitchell crouched outside, on the side of the bed. "Shhh!" hissed Cam.

"What? I didn't even say…"

"SHHH."

"But…"

"SHHH." Sheppard just grimaced. They were trying to catch a stray lizard that was loose in the room. They guessed that they were safe, because Teyla was in the shower. They might have been subconsciously hoping that she would step out…unawares, but let's not go there.

"Look! There he is."

"Hey, it's Nelson!"

"Doc!"

"It's Nelson, yeah? Look at 'im."

"Carson, help us get him out."

"Get who out? Is there a party someone forgot to invite me to?"

"General O'Neill!"

"Mitchell? Colonel."

"General."

"Doctor. What are we doing?"

"The lizard, Sir…"

"Lizard? Whoa."

"Rodney! Shhh, get down! We almost had him."

"What are you, the lizard hunter?"

"I swear, I got lemons, doc!"

"Who let HIM in here?"

"Oh, be quiet, all of ye!"

"Whoa."

"Hey, Chewie. What are you doing here?"

"Ronon, right?"

"Is that a lizard?"

"WHERE?"

"Crouch down here…Mitchell, move!"

"Does anyone have a book?"

"Danny's got one!"

"Where is he…? DANIEL! DAAAANIEL! DA-oh. There you are."

"Don't yell, Jack."

"What is this?" Every head snapped around to the door. Every man went pale. Teyla stood at the doorway, clutching a large, white towel that was her only cover.

"Oh, god…you didn't say she was in here!"

"Oh, crap…"

"I'm a dead man."

"Um, hello Teyla!"

"Miss Emmagan! Um, we're…"

"Sorry!" There was a mad dash for the door, bodies scrambling over each other and people being thrown out of the way.

"NOBODY MOVE!" screeched Teyla, sounding eerily like an enraged banshee. "Which of you men stole my clothing from the bathroom?"

"Cameron?"

"Jackson?"

"Not me! Look at Kirk over there!"

"Colonel, shut it!"

"Look at them, I'm here for the lizard."

"I was lizard hunting too."

"We all were." Mitchell said weakly.

"So none of you took my clothing?"

"Ah, no?" There was a pregnant pause.

"I'm sorry, Teyla…"

"Teyla, I got your…what the hell is this?" The men and woman looked over at the new arrival, Elizabeth. Her eyes were wide. In her arms were some clothes. "Oh."

"We'd better be going…AH! Hold it, McKay! General goes first! Then Daniel, Sheppard, Mitchell, McKay, Beckett, um…Ronon? Yeah. That it? Sorry again, Miss Emmagan."

After Jack left, there was a mad dash for the door, within which Jonas and Teal'c were bowled over in the doorway opposite. Samantha observed all of this from the end of the hallway. She spotted a small lizard on the ground and picked it up. She scoffed. "Men are stupid." she said, stroking the lizard's head.


	30. Landmark 30th Chapter!

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

_Landmark 30__th__ Chapter _

"Captain, I'm picking up a strange energy reading coming from the hull of the ship." reported Daniel, looking passively up at Mitchell.

"Should I try and make contact with it?" asked Sam.

"What? That's not possible, ensign."

"Can you reverse the… polarity?" said Mitchell, twisting around in his chair.

"Reverse the polarity of what?" asked Daniel, frowning. "What would that do?"

"Dammit, cap'n, the engines are goin' te blow!" screeched Carson from somewhere in the engine room.

"Oh, lord! Clear the bridge, O'Neill!"

"Dammit, Captain, I'm a doctor, not a colonel!"

"We don't have time for this! We need to pick up the cargo and get these fugitives to the inner planets. The Alliance won't give up on them!" reminded Teal'c. "We're not going to get paid for reversing the polarity."

"Shiny! Let's be bad guys."

"Oh, shut up!" snapped Elizabeth. "We need to get the ship to land, but her engines won't speak to me!"

"Maybe we could blow something up…"

"I'll be praying for your soul, son."

"Preacher, get off the bridge!"

"I think I see aliens!" remarked Ronon. "If I can just get out there, I might be able to find her…"

"I don't even know how to respond to that." said Teyla calmly. "I know it has been your life's work, but aliens do not exist."

"No, Teyla! The government is working against us to hide the truth! It's still out there!"

"What's out there?" asked Daniel, tying to drag the Captain away from the bridge.

"THE **TRUTH** IS OUT THERE!" yelled Ronon, gesturing wildly.

"Trust no one?" offered Sam.

"Okay, stop!" yelled Jonas. "This is crazy. I think I'm missing some references."

"Indeed." agreed Teal'c. "These references to Earth's popular culture are lost on me."

Daniel and Jack looked at each other and shrugged.

"Let's head down to Global Dynamics. Make sure you call the sheriff too, he might want to know that the café's on fire."

"What café?"

LOL, that was a pretty fun chapter to write. How many shows can you guys recognize? )


	31. A Mistake in Perception

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_  
A Mistake in Perception

* * *

McKay wrinkled his nose. He poked at the hamburger, which Sheppard and slammed down in front of him. "When I said 'pick', I meant get something I might like."

"What, you don't like hamburgers?"

"Not when they have cheese and bacon on them!"

"Oh, COME ON. That's a classic!"

"Right, well, get me another." Sheppard glared. "No way! Get it yourself!"

"That is so unfair!"

"I see what this is about." muttered Sheppard, grinning evilly. "You're afraid to talk to that pretty blond girl making them on the grill!"

Rodney sputtered indignantly. It was true. "That is NOT true!"

"Of course it is. Go on up there, buddy!" replied Sheppard. Rodney gulped. He pushed his plate away and got up. He walked slowly over to the grill.

"Hey, can I get a plain hamburger?"

"Sure." the girl said. She went about making it. Hmm. Deep voice for a girl.

"So, what's your name?" asked Rodney.

"Jeff."

"Oh, my name…wait. Jeff?"

"Yeah." the guy/girl said.

"So you're not a girl?" whispered Rodney, blanching.

"Dammit, everyone thinks that! I'm a _guy_!" he snapped. He put the burger on a plate and shoved it into McKay's hands. "Have a nice day!"

"Thanks." said McKay. He slid back into his seat. Sheppard looked at him.

"So?"

"SO WHAT?"

Sheppard winced. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. She sent me back."

"Maybe I should go talk to her." Sheppard said excitedly. Rodney put down his burger and looked up at his friend.

"You know, Sheppard, that is a _great_ idea!"


	32. Simon Says

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

Simon Says

"Simon says wave your arms!"

"I feel like an idiot."

"Just do it."

"Simon says pat your stomach."

"Rub your head!"

"Dammit!"

"Ha, you're out, Sam!"

"Don't worry, I suck at this too."

"Simon says dance!"

"No way!"

"DO IT."

"Yes, perform the action, O'Neill."

"Come ON!"

"Do it."

"Fine."

"Okay…kick Daniel!"

"OW!"

"Whoops."

"Well, now you're out, JACK."

"Dammit."


	33. SGA at Buffet 3

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

SGA at Buffet 3

Teyla, Elizabeth, and Carson were sitting at the bar near the buffet where they (the hotel staff, not the team) served the virgin daiquiris and handed out free mints. Carson was flipping through a copy of Seventeen Magazine, frowning and wrinkling his nose at each page.

Suddenly, a young man slid down into the seat next to them. He was gasping and dripping sweat everywhere. "Alright, laddie?" muttered Carson, eyeing the newcomer.

"What? I…yeah. Could you do me a favor?"

"Uh, sure."

"If an Indian guy with fluffy hair comes through here looking for 'Sylar', tell him you have no idea what he's talking about." he told them.

"Why?" asked Teyla.

"You don't want to know…miss." He rubbed his hands together, giving them a grin filled with white, evil-looking teeth. He then hopped off the chair and took off running.

"HE KILLED MY FATHER!" screeched another guy, running in the room (but not before tripping over a table and knocking over a waitress). He was Indian-looking, with fluffy hair and a crazed look that screamed, 'I'm a maniac. Ask me about special abilities!'

"I'm Suresh. _Mohinder_ Suresh." he said, holding out his hand. "Have you seen a youngish guy come through here; sort of handsome, dark hair, giant eyebrows?" He waved his hands around his face to illustrate his point.

"Um, no?" said Carson.

"Dammit! I will avenge you, father! I will!" He ran off too.

"What is with all these pop culture references?" asked Elizabeth.

"I'm not quite sure." muttered Teyla.

"Hi." said a third newcomer. "Can I interest you in a pin?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm from the 'Save the Cheerleader, Save the World' Foundation." He smiled at them, brimming over with innocence. Carson cringed.

"We raise money to save cheerleaders with special abilities."

"I'm not giving you anything." said Elizabeth. "Last time, I donated to some foundation called 'Live Together, Die Alone', and I didn't even get the newsletter!"

"Oh, but we're not like them, I assure you!" The young man looked offended.

"Have a virgin daiquiri with us, lad."

He looked thoughtful, but with the extremely large lock of hair covering his eye, it was kind of hard to tell. "Okay." he laughed, hopping up between Teyla and Elizabeth.

"Long day, huh?" asked Elizabeth.

"Tell me about it."


	34. If Only

_If only Rodney had realized that Sheppard had slipped the chili peppers into his drink. If only Sheppard, unbeknownst to everyone, hadn't slipped them in, no one would have been able to see Rodney turn red in the face and run from the bar screaming. Soon, they would be able to see what a terrible thing Sheppard had done. If only Sheppard would realize what a mistake he was about to make. If only Rodney hadn't come into the bar. All of this could be avoided, if only they would open their eyes to what was about to happen, Rodney might have been saved. If only he could be saved._

_Why was Sheppard doing this to his friend? Why would Rodney trust anything Sheppard would put in front of him? Why could the others not see what was about to happen?_

_If only none of this had ever happened._

"Hey, McKay. Want a drink?"


	35. Time to Wake Up

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers

_Time to Wake up_

-----------------

Daniel yawned, stretching. It was still dark out, but for some reason he felt wide awake. So, he assumed it must be morning. He tiptoed out of bed, seeing that Teal'c was still fast asleep on the floor. He slipped into Jack's side of the room.

"Jaaaaack." He whispered, poking the lump under the blankets. "Jaaaaaack!" The colonel (or general) groaned, peeling his eyes open.

"Daniel?"

"Hi."

"_Hi_…what's going on?"

"Nothing."

Jack blinked. "Why'd you wake me up?" Daniel looked across at the clock on the bedside table. It was 2 AM.

"Hmmm…yeah, I'm not sure."

"Oh." Every syllable came out forced. "Go on, back to bed."

"I'm not tired."

"Doesn't matter, I want you out."

"I wanna talk."

"Don't care. Out."

"Jeez, Jack! Be civil!"

"Out!"

Jonas then crept into the room. "Hi, friends!"

"Hi, Jonas." said Daniel, in a chipper voice. "What brings you here?"

"It's time to go, isn't it?"

"Actually, it's 2 AM."

"Oh." Jonas removed his sunglasses.

"That's okay, stay here with me and Jack!"

"NO!"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sheppard woke with a start at a huge bang from his left. He shot up, gasping. Rodney turned swiftly, holding a coffee pot to his chest. "Uh, hi!"

"Rodney?"

"Yeah, just go back to sleep."

"What time is it?"

"Ah…2. In the morning."

Sheppard blinked. "And you're making coffee?"

"I can't sleep without it."

Sheppard just stared at him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N. Yeah. This was actually a really old chapter that I just found and decided I had to upload. Sorry for the length of time between updates, I'll try to pick up the pace. Even if it does mean putting off homework. Lol.


	36. Giant Ball of Yarn

This is the idea that Screaminheathen69 had a few chapters ago. I know this chapter is really short, but I couldn't think of a way to make it longer. xD

Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers 

_Giant Ball of Yarn _

Jack sat on the concrete, Teal'c at his side. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Um…T?"

"Yes, O'Neill?"

"It's a giant ball of yarn."

"Indeed." said Teal'c, grinning. The Jaffa held out the yarn to the colonel to take.

Jack took the gift, biting his lip. 'This is gay, this is gay…' ran through his mind several times, but he pushed it away. "Um…thanks, T." he chirped.

"Do you not like it O'Neill?" said Teal'c dangerously, grin slowly fading. Jack swallowed nervously.

"I'll treasure it!" he insisted. Teal'c smiled again and dipped his head.

"I am glad."

"Yeah, I bet." Jack grinned at Teal'c. _How would he ever get rid of this thing?_ Teal'c smiled at him knowingly, nodding his head.


	37. Things Get Real Crazy After 8:30

_Of Jellyfish and Space Travelers_

_Things Get Real Crazy After 8:30 _

Jonas knocked on Mitchell's door, and a very annoyed colonel answered it. "What…Jonas?"

"Hi. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I was just going out to dinner. Why?" Mitchell trusted Jonas greatly, because, well, the alien had read every mission report. Every one.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out and have a smoothie."

Mitchell stared. "What?"

"Oh, well…you know, if you can't, that's okay…"

"Jonas."

"That's fine, I'll ask Daniel…"

"Jonas."

"…And Sheppard might be coming…"

"JONAS!"

"Um, yeah?"

"That…sounds…AWESOME!" Mitchell squealed.

When they got to the smoothie bar, Jack and Daniel were already there. Jack had already had two strawberry and banana smoothies, and was starting to get tipsy. Children and their mothers, sipping their own frothy drinks, were eying them strangely.

"Being so light and flimsy, Daniel Jackson always seemed to be the least imposing archaeologist on the field. He was a fierce finisher, though…and damn smart. He certainly does go for the gold."

"It was my dream." said Daniel, sarcastically. "It was my dream to be here and win gold…or, um, knowledge in this case."

"What are they doing?" asked Jonas.

"Making fun of the Olympics." muttered Mitchell, without even looking up. "Pineapple, please. And one…"

"Blueberry!"

"And one blueberry."

Daniel leaned over, also getting tipsy on sugar and fruit. "Have you seen that Michael Phelps kid?"

"Jesus, I know! Everyone's obsessed with him! Some of my fangirls are even taking the day off to be a fangirl for him!"

"Yeah." Jack shook his head as Jonas sucked at his straw.

"Alright, I'm cuttin' you guys off!" said the smoothie guy to Jack and Daniel. "You guys have had enough!"

"Yeah, whatever. Let's go, goldboy!" snapped Jack. Daniel looked at Mitchell and Jonas, who were halfway through their smoothies.

"Go easy on those things, guys. They're dangerous."

By nine o'clock, Mitchell and Jonas were passed out on the leftover pool toys sitting by the smoothie stand.


End file.
